we may make it through the war

if we make it through the night


Welcome, and thank you for your interest in our Summer Of series. In this our (sixth? seventh?) summer, we will be embracing the Summer of No. Before you point out that we already had a Summer of No, please note that we were talking about sex that time. This time we are talking about you, yourself, and your boundaries and limits. For reference over the next few months, following is your personal Summer Manifest(n)o:

You are a person. You are an awesome person, and everyone seems to know this except you and the people you are hanging out with. I say this because if they had any idea how awesome you are, they would never engage in the behavior currently being displayed every fucking time I turn around. Benefit of doubt-wise, let's say they DO know how awesome you are (because how could they not?). What this means, then, is that they are a giant asshole and you need to take your time back. Either way, result same. For the duration of this course the following will be met with a resounding no (well, probably not RESOUNDING, at first. But we'll get there.):

1. Assumptions regarding your time and availability.

This is important right off the top. You are not sitting around waiting for anyone. ANYone. Your time is at a premium, even if your plan for the evening involves a couch, a dog, a bandana and Netflix. No one gets to jack around with you simply because they assume you have nothing better to do, or because they assume that you are so fucking interested in them and what they're doing or where they're going or all the wonderful things you could be doing together that you'll put everything else on hold in the anticipation of being included. No one.

2. Demands for your attention.

Grow the fuck up, people.

3. Anything that incorporates your generous, compassionate, good-of-the-whole nature as a means to take advantage of you.

You are not here to serve. You were not put on this earth as a transport vehicle for shuttling the egos of wounded, lonely people, nor are you here to reflect the stunning visages of the non-wounded and non-lonely. You're neither the rocket nor the astronaut; you're the moon. You're the destination and when they get here, they've fucking landed and they better shore up cause it's a long trip back with nothing but dehydrated ice cream and a hose to pee in. You are not a means, you are a goal. You. And anyone that doesn't know it is welcome to go fuck themselves (See Summer of Go Fuck Yourself, circa 2009) cause we may lose a million men, but by Kirk there'll be a million more. They better figure this shit out and any confusion can be cleared up with an easy read: I'll give it to you.

4. Anything that makes you feel undervalued, or even smells like it.

How old are we? I know that's a question we come back to a lot but what in the what is so difficult about this? We live in an age that makes this extremely, extremely easy. There are a hundred ways this could be communicated but you know what the best one still is? Just fucking saying it.

5. Statements regarding your beauty and awesomeness.

This may seem like a direct contradiction to #4, and maybe it is. But nobody is going to tell you that shit without some followup. It's going to take a lot more than syllables to get in these brains and these pants, camper. A whole lot more. Follow that up with something you fucking care about and took the time to figure out.


So as not to put too big of a cramp in your summer relaxation, following are items you may engage in at any time:

1. Anything you need to do to get by.

2. Revisiting some NOs with the people that love you at any time (because #3 is not going to apply. I am certainly put on this earth to help you when you're lonely.).

3. Guilt-free passes. Don't want to hang out? No guilt. Want to hang out when you should be doing something else? No guilt. Want to cut them off when it's time? Nope, none.


The best part about being crushed is rebuilding. It really is. The rest of it sucks pretty heartily. Sick of feeling this way? Tear it down and rebuild it. Stop living in a labyrinth of past behavior and expectation and do what you need to do to be who you need to be. No one expects the brush-off from you, that doesn't mean you have to keep putting up with their bullshit. Everyone expects you to be FunTymeWootYes!! but that doesn't mean you can't be No, Go Fuck Yourself. Don't even say please. Don't even tell them you're leaving. Hey, don't even answer their god damned text the first five times, how about that? Make the effort, boys. And girls, if you like, cause it's more than just romance that gets us all sticky. You are not a commodity. You are not a tool. You are not an accessory and you know it. No. No, no, no. Start practicing now, and then days will be weeks will be months will be you are not feeling like this any more.