I don't know how much it's gonna cost you
probably everything
When you read things in the paper, or you hear the news or see the footage from the tragedy or calamity or nightmare of smaller proportion, there is a phrase that is commonly used to describe the reaction of the response personnel. His training kicked in. The plane was on fire, the car was sinking, the river was rising but his training kicked in and...and he knew what to do and did it, and damage control comes later but at the time, when faced with an immediate situation, his training kicked in and he did what needed to be done.
I do not know what to do in situations where my training kicks in. I do not want to relegate my friends, my family, the people that I care about to the category of situation. I don't want to access my files and pull out page ten paragraph four line eight and tell him exactly what he needs to hear. Cause I can. I do it all the time. I do it all the time and I'm very, very good at it. I'm spot on and lightning fast. I have a card with my name on it that says that I am the only one in this building allowed to do it. Laminated, even. Laminated card that says that I can tell you what you need to hear to get you through the next few minutes and hours and days. But I don't want to tell you those things, and I don't want you to be that thing, to me, to yourself, to anyone. I want you to be you and hear the things that your friend would tell you, the things that are not perfect and have not been run by a committee and in retrospect may do more harm than good but right now, right now while you are dying, they are honest and real. I want to stop your heart, I want to shield you from what's coming because I know what it is, and I know that nothing will help, nothing, and all your anger and all your rage and all of your hurt, it has nowhere to go. There is nothing for it. That is not in the books. The books don't go into how we feel the next time I see you, where you pick up and how you rediscover yourself and your friends as this person that you are now, which is not the person that you were last week. The catwalk of your absent flippance, your quick irritation, your distracted answer. The curious question of what is that look on your face, and how would you leave him when you find him.
I don't know what to say, and I always know what to say. It has been allowed that saying the right thing at the right time is my superpower. It is possible that you are my kryptonite. I am lost, and it is not mine to be lost, it is yours to be hurt and wandering and possibly completely alone. I do not know how to help you, except to not force the help on you, because I do not know.
When you read things in the paper, or you hear the news or see the footage from the tragedy or calamity or nightmare of smaller proportion, there is a phrase that is commonly used to describe the reaction of the response personnel. His training kicked in. The plane was on fire, the car was sinking, the river was rising but his training kicked in and...and he knew what to do and did it, and damage control comes later but at the time, when faced with an immediate situation, his training kicked in and he did what needed to be done.
I do not know what to do in situations where my training kicks in. I do not want to relegate my friends, my family, the people that I care about to the category of situation. I don't want to access my files and pull out page ten paragraph four line eight and tell him exactly what he needs to hear. Cause I can. I do it all the time. I do it all the time and I'm very, very good at it. I'm spot on and lightning fast. I have a card with my name on it that says that I am the only one in this building allowed to do it. Laminated, even. Laminated card that says that I can tell you what you need to hear to get you through the next few minutes and hours and days. But I don't want to tell you those things, and I don't want you to be that thing, to me, to yourself, to anyone. I want you to be you and hear the things that your friend would tell you, the things that are not perfect and have not been run by a committee and in retrospect may do more harm than good but right now, right now while you are dying, they are honest and real. I want to stop your heart, I want to shield you from what's coming because I know what it is, and I know that nothing will help, nothing, and all your anger and all your rage and all of your hurt, it has nowhere to go. There is nothing for it. That is not in the books. The books don't go into how we feel the next time I see you, where you pick up and how you rediscover yourself and your friends as this person that you are now, which is not the person that you were last week. The catwalk of your absent flippance, your quick irritation, your distracted answer. The curious question of what is that look on your face, and how would you leave him when you find him.
I don't know what to say, and I always know what to say. It has been allowed that saying the right thing at the right time is my superpower. It is possible that you are my kryptonite. I am lost, and it is not mine to be lost, it is yours to be hurt and wandering and possibly completely alone. I do not know how to help you, except to not force the help on you, because I do not know.
posted by machine central at 10:50 AM
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